Origin Story

Today was a culmination of so many aspects of my story. And today is the perfect place to start.

I feel called to share my story. I've been writing a memoir with the detailed accounts for almost ten year. TEN YEARS. It's really hard to know where the story begins and ends when the story is your life.

See, ten years ago I was in an abusive relationship from which I was later diagnosed with cPTSD or Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

And now, ten years later I have a life I could have not have imagined during my toughest times. For me, it feels like a miracle.

In May 2020 I stopped drinking and I forged a connection with my guiding inner voice that I had lost long ago through the stress of perfectionism in my early teens and substance abuse at age 17. Today I woke up and was guided through every step of my day.

First, my aching body guided me to work out. It was no where near my best, but I put on the workout clothes and some Reggaeton music and tried to stretch and bend, shake and move until I felt some of the tension release in my muscles.

Then I was guided to take my 3 year old Goldendoodle for a walk with the sweet nudges, timely sits and circles herding me toward the door. We walk every morning and she knows her routine.

In the shower before work, thoughts about the next steps of my book guided me to start sharing my voice. I realized I don't need to hide behind walls of deception and marketing to be "cool enough" to start something. I will be my truest self and see what sticks. I believe we need more people who are their truest selves.

I put on the first clothes that jumped out at me, something I would have never put on with more thought. (And it actually turned out really cute!) Everything but my socks are second-hand thanks to my sister, Goodwill and naked lady parties.

Fun fact: My first job was at Best Buy!

For breakfast, instead of making my usual oatmeal or grabbing an apple without thinking, I laid back and meditated about what I was going to eat. I am practicing following my intuition in all aspects of my life.

And my biggest guidance of all - purchasing myself the tools to recommit to my writing. (And The Artist's Way, which I will be starting again on the 10th!) I decided on a Macbook Air, a gold one, in contrast to my slate gray work computer so I can remember that my personal dreams come first.

I recycled my old Macbook Pro which survived 8 countries, including the year that I lived in Nicaragua serving in the Peace Corps. It served me well but was no longer functional.

Everything today was a reminder of the journey I have made to get here. And I am so excited to share!