Sharing Trauma and PTSD

There are many encounters where I am presented with the choice of disclosing my disability. Years ago, at the peak of my PTSD and alcoholism, I told anyone and everyone. Many times, I also detailed my trauma when someone inquired. PTSD used to be such a big part of my life, and I was discovering so much about myself and my experience living with symptoms, omission of my condition felt like a lie.

At this point, I’ve done so much healing, when I am presented with the option to disclose I consider if they need to know, if they want to know. People nearly automatically ask, how did you get PTSD? I’m not sure they enthusiastically consent to hearing about sexual abuse, domestic violence and intimate partner violence.

Examples of a great response to someone's disclosure might be:

• “Thank you for sharing.”

• “I’m sorry you had to experience that.”

• “I see you’re in pain. It’s ok to feel this way.”

• “I’m here for you.”

• “It’s not your fault.”

• “I love you.”

Some other examples are available here.

This past weekend I was at a silky 70s pool party, and had a flashback so I considered disclosing several times. (Side note: I’ve been getting a lot of 70s vibes recently. There’s a lot of empowerment from the 70s we could tap into, considering the Stonewall Riots in 1969 and Roe v Wade in 1973.) When I’m out socializing, I drink hemp only CBD drinks and occasionally smoke hemp only CBD joints for special events like my birthday vacation. I find CBD doesn’t give me a psychoactive effect (it shouldn’t) and I can still stay present and connected while easing some of my anxiety. Many people recognize CBD as a cure for anxiety, and say so when they see me with it. This is probably my easiest and safest disclosure - related to a medical diagnosis. Although people don’t always have or need a diagnosis and there are many who have undiagnosed mental illnesses. In the crew at the 70s party, though, I opted out of sharing. Maybe it was the amount of people, or the situation, or the depth of the friendship with the person I was talking to, I trusted my intuition to skip the opportunity.

Another time I was sitting criss-cross applesauce on the pool deck listening to a group of women talk about astrology. This is a new magic to me and I love it. After a while, I explained how one of my boyfriends had the same birthday as two of my close friends - all on the cusp of Scorpio and Sagittarius. And how I dated two men with the same birthday, either May 12th or 15th, I honestly can’t remember, both Tauruses. I knucks-ed my fists together twice to describe my relationship as a Leo with a Taurus. The gal closest to me laughed, copied my motion and asked if I meant that’s how the relationship went. Yup. Then she gestured a right hook punch with her arm and fist and continued to laugh. Had we just disclosed a form of violence without words?? An immediate, unvocal recognition of shared history. Perhaps I read too much into our nonverbal communication, but she did get my instagram before she left. *hair flip*

I find it easiest to disclose when it’s light-hearted. I often joke about my experiences with alcoholism and people find it funny, and not just in a room full of other alcoholics. Before the sun went down, I organized a Twister Tournament. Though “tournament” was a little too competitive, I think we settled for jamboree, or another word that starts with a J and means the same thing. Help me out here people. The amnesia is real. It is currently still being researched, see here for the latest, but PTSD has been shown to decrease the size of the hippocampus which can diminish the brain’s ability to convert short-term memories into long-term memories. It can be hard to remember new information and especially since I was dealing with a flashback at the time.

We created teams of two and played three games of four people, and then a final winners game with six. When organizing folks to play, I joked there would be no punching allowed, mainly to ease the concern of a girl who had just applied acrylics. Another girl echoed “punching?!” I clarified “No punching!” She laughed at me, horrified, and I casually said, “I mean I don’t know what kind of family you grew up in…” and a guy finished the thought for me,“I came to win!” Games in my house were intense. Some of the most extreme memories I have are around Monopoly and taking pictures. In this case, I had almost unintentionally outed myself and immediately narrowed the knowing to other people who could recognize my experience.

On a professional level, it can be very important to disclose disability and/or neurodivergence. This is not a requirement, but I often tell my immediate supervisor up front before there are any work-related requests like needing an extra day off for mental health, late starts, written instructions, remote work or any other accommodation. Professional disclosure is essential for my success in the workplace.

One other very important area of disclosure is dating. I usually share by the third or fourth date at a high level and then share more as it comes up, see pic below. There’s a really wonderful article here with more details.

For full disclosure - I live with cPTSD (Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). PTSD is so much easier to say, recognize, and explain. For me, cPTSD is PTSD for multiple traumas - more memories, more triggers, complicated interactions, etc. I may use PTSD and cPTSD interchangeably throughout this blog. With all these decisions about disclosure, on top of symptoms of PTSD and anxiety, it can make social events a real struggle. The best decision I made this weekend was to leave the party a little early. I was rewarded with an absolutely stunning sunset.